Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
