I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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