What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's rum buckets o'clock
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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