I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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