I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
