You're so nebulous sometimes
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
