He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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