Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize