So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
