You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
