The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
