She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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