I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
