unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think your dad took our porno
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize