If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
