If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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