my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
