I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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