Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
