I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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