Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
