I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
