Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize