the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
