after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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