I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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