my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize