i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
