Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
