James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
