last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
