My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
