you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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