So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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