Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
