I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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