It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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