Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
