I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
