The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
