If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
