If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
