first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
