Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize