and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
