I wish my penis had an off switch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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