get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
