Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
