You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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