my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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