I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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