so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
