Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
