note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize