He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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