im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want to make out with him forever
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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