In the future we'll all be gay
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
