we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
