So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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