I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
