I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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