I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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