I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
