Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
