it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
