Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
