You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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