So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
