this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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