Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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