I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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