I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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