I bet he comes in French.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
