First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This baby is an asshole
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
