Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
