Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
