I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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