Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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