Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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