dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
