You're so nebulous sometimes
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
