I wish I could teleport
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize