I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
