I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
