just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
