i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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