Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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