At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
