He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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