So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
