A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
