I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
