so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
