If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
