I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
