i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
