3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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