do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize