the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
