It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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