well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
