ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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