She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When are your genitals available?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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